AGK

Yes. The majority of the time I felt that recovery was beyond us, that the path was just way too hard.

Recovery was anything but smooth or linear. It was so unpredictable, and what worked one week, didn’t work the other. Every day was like climbing Everest. The hardest part being watching my child in such distress.

The thing that made the biggest impact for me was embracing the concept of ‘radical acceptance’. This was taught to me by my trauma therapist, who uses this concept with parents dealing with addiction, or the imminent death of their child to cancer or other diseases. This philosophy helped me stay in the present, and allowed me to truly accept our situation, rather than living in denial.

Oh my. It is SO different. I don’t have to make, monitor and force my D to eat x6 meals a day. I don’t have to worry about each meal turning into a ‘000’ moment where the police or ambulance might need to be called. I don’t have to face my child’s fury, hatred and curses. Now, my D is herself. She laughs, she takes part in life, she’s thriving at university and enjoys her social life. It’s the dream that follows the nightmare.

Remember the days before AN? Remember your freedom. Don’t you want it back? This is not a way to live.
I know this is not your fault, you didn’t choose this, but now you need to work with your family to get through this. And you will get through it.
Finally, I would say that AN is not your friend. Although it paints itself as your saviour, it’s really your enemy. It wants you dead.

Trust the process. It works. Please believe it. It will just take time.
Find things you can use as leverage in the battle to eat meals. Is it their mobile phone? Their friends? School? Whatever it is, use it. For example, if we were worried about over-exercising, or purging, we would take my Ds door off its hinges. Once she agreed to what we were asking, we would then give her back her privacy.
Be bold. Even if it means faking it. AN is watching you for ANY signs of weakness. Be firm with it. Speak to it. Say you are no match for me, and for the love I have for my child.
Demonstrate your love often, even in the face of what seems like hatred. Once, during a horrible tantrum, I just repeated the words “I love you”, over and over, until my D slumped into my arms, crying her eyes out. I won that battle with the force of my love.
Don’t take it personally. This is not your fault, but it’s not her fault either. She will say such hurtful things to you that you will feel like you’re in the move The Exorcist. She doesn’t mean it. Let the acid drip from your skin and it won’t burn you.
Be committed. Tell your child ‘life stops until you eat’.

I would say, I hear you. I’ve been there. But it will happen. The FBT system works! One day, your child will ask you for chocolate, or ice cream or a burger and that day is the first day of the rest of their life!